24.4.17

STRUGGLING TO BE A CONSCIOUS CONSUMER









A quick entry in frivolity.

Friends.

Actually though. And as someone who really isn't a big shopper to start, it weighs on me even more every time I shop. Here's what's going on.. First, it took me forever to return that dang Fjällräven backpack. Returning things... hate it. No idea why it is such a road block for me. Then, I remembered that USPS pick up is a thing, so voila. Block lifted.

Before I even did the return, I had received a $100 visa gift card. This was right after three weeks of working really long days at work, I was tired, stressed and just wanted some immediate... something. Things. I just wanted things...

I dropped it on two dresses and one tunic from Asos. Love one dress and the tunic, the other dress I had decided to keep... but after getting back into the right mind space, realized it honestly is never going to get worn. It's going back. (Still need to do that.)

The urge hadn't left. The following week I went to Target.com, who knows why. I don't even remember why I was looking. Ended up seeing a buy one get one deal on shoes, where I discovered the Who What Wear collection for Target. Ended up checking out with two pairs of mules, and a bralette because the underwire popped out of my everyday bra that week.

Got the shoes and they were pretty to the eye but such crap quality. The heel cap broke off one pair after only one day, and the straps on the other dug into my foot like no other. Back they went, but this time Target's online return policy wasn't as kind, so I took them in-store and returned without a problem. Then perused the entire store, even tried on about ten items from the WWW for Target collection that were so cute pieces that I would have totally bought previously, but after a deep breath I hung them back up and left empty handed.

Why am I even writing about this? Does anyone care? Here's how I see it. Buying stuff is on my mind often. Money's always on my mind...know what I'm sayin? I can afford to buy a cart of shit things here and there... but money isn't growing in my backyard either. Constantly in a state of wishing I had more money and with that money, would be able to get and do more of what I want.

I feel a sense of guilt because there are so many messages out there these thoughts are so "millennial" of me. But you know what? I work for everything I have. I have loans up the ass like all the rest of you, money isn't and wasn't ever just given to me. Ain't got no old money... just working for all that new money, ya know? 

Ok sorry, if you get those stolen lyrics, thank you... But I'm also very sorry. Just GAH. Frustrations. Feeling a bit of a slump, but the part where I've finally identified it and am moving on. Maybe this blog post is part of that journey. Writing usually is. 

Today, I went and bought $100 worth of plants, pots and soil for my apartment. And you know what? I always feel damn good buying and growing plants.

Find me more frequently on instagram: @taylerworrell